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Parenting

My Lords, I chose this debate for my maiden speech because I have much experience of parenting. That does not mean that I have much expertise—I would not claim that, despite the remarks of the noble Baroness, Lady Massey of Darwen. Leo   Tolstoy began Anna Karenina with a line that, I am sure, all of you know well:"““All happy families are alike but an unhappy family is unhappy after its own fashion””." So are the children. Let us consider some of the factors common to happy families and good parenting. I cannot cover them all, but let us look at some of them. The most important factor for me is two people living and loving together and showing solidarity in front of their children. Marriage is what I am talking about—it is a great institution. Perhaps it is no longer ““until death us do part””, but certainly marriage should be until any children we have are emotionally and financially independent. By that time, you have lost the urge to stray, if not the will to live. Divorce has become far too easy in this country for couples with children. It is a disgrace that our divorce rates are some of the highest in the world. It is a major factor in bad parenting and the break-up of our society. Why then are the Government so intent on rejecting policies that favour two parents in a family? Is it an attempt to be politically correct? I fully accept that some parents may do a good job after marriage breakdowns, but their children might not agree. Likewise, people who choose single parenthood for personal or career reasons may be good parents, but their children will grow up deprived of a balanced family. It is interesting too that, although sociological evidence in Britain and all over America shows children of married couples faring much better than other children, we in Britain still refuse to encourage marriage as the norm and speak up for it. What nonsense. It goes against all the laws of the animal kingdom. I am a biologist, and I say that it goes against our biology. Happy families and good parents enjoy support from extended family, grandparents and community. I saw that swing into action in Hampton Hill, when my daughter died suddenly last year. It is terribly important. Family and community corralled her family. We were very lucky. I must ask your Lordships’ indulgence to mention my daughter’s mother-in-law; I am sorry about that. I have always described her as the mother-in-law from heaven. She dropped everything to support her son and her two little grandsons—our two little grandsons. Sarah Wherry, I salute you. The Government cannot provide extended families—I am not asking them to—although they could do much more to encourage grandparents in the childcare system. The Government are destroying the extended family provided by communities with their emphasis on choice of schools, particularly primary schools. It erodes the community around the school and the support that neighbours and parents of children in the local school give to one another—as well as causing a lot of traffic congestion, incidentally, with the school runs. I was utterly dependent on that community care in Kew when I was bringing up my family and juggling medicine and work and children. I see it disappearing completely, as parents drive their children all over the area to get their first choice of school. The new Kelly hours are a splendid development, but they will work only if the children are local and not left stranded in a school miles away from neighbours and friends. The Government have made huge strides in childcare: I admit that and congratulate them on providing Sure Start and more nursery places. But we are still light years away from countries such as France which for decades has provided cheap, accessible childcare not only as essential for working mothers but also as a palliative for poor parenting. France does not seem to have the disorderly society that we have here in Britain. In conclusion, I must mention the appalling behaviour of young people on our streets and in our schools. I am pessimistic about our prospects of taming this generation. We did not get to them early enough. If in future we can support couples bringing their children up together, bolstering family life in the early years with better housing and childcare, we may be able to make the next generation more civilised.